Hamlet as Told on the Street eBook É Told on

❮Ebook❯ ➥ Hamlet as Told on the Street ➦ Author Shel Silverstein – Non-fiction-books.co Now Francisco and Bernardo they was guardin’ the castleLeanin’ on their spears not lookin’ for no hassle Havin’ themselves a brew or two When out in the night they hear woo wooo woooAnd here cNow Francisco and Bernardo they was guardin’ the castleLeanin’ on their spears not lookin’ for no hassle Havin’ themselves a brew or two When out in the night they hear woo wooo woooAnd here comes this ghost lookin’ ragged and rank In a rusty suit of armor goin’ clank clank clank They say Hey Mr Ghost are you our dear departed king But the ghost don’t say one motherfuckin’ thing He goes Wooo wooo wooo They say Hey we better split And go tell Hamlet about this shitSo they run find Hamlet they say Hey sweet Prince Your daddy’s ghost been seen runnin’ hither and hince He’s all full of maggots and he’s grizzly and grim Somethin’s rotten in Denmark and whew we think it’s him Hamlet say Oh are you sure it’s my pop Did he have matty gray hair with a bald spot on top Did he have bright blue eyes that never know fearAnd a tattoo says GERTRUDE FOREVER right hereThey say Hey the thing just flittered by our station We didn’t give him no phyical examination And we don’t know for sure if your daddy was the one But we do know a motherfuckin’ ghost when we see one Hamlet say Show me where you spied this spectral klunkSo I see if it’s my pop or if you was both drunk So they bring ol’ Hamlet to the spot and thenThey wait five minutes and wooooo Here he comes again He got gray skin black teeth and hollow eyes Beckonin’ like this young Hamlet cries Hold spirit of darness are you a ghostly apparition No says the ghost I look like this from malnutrition Of course I’m a ghost but sone don’t be scared And I’ll tell you some shit that’ll fry your hairHe says You got two relatives I won’t say which But one’s a bloody murderer and one’s a faithless bitch Why I was takin’ a nap in the garden right here When my ambitious brother pours some poison in my ear And before my body’s even cold he’s wearin’ my pajamas Layin’ up in my bed with my crown on his head Doin’ somethin’ sinful to your momma And the terrible thoughts of what they’re doin’ up thereIs than a poor old ghost can bear So you gotta revenge me on this harlot and this knaveOr else I’ll never rest in my motherfuckin’ graveWell this information just flips Hamlet out He starts walkin’ like this with spit hangin’ out his mouth His eyes are all bleary and his tongue looks worse And he’s talkin’ in couplets and blank fuckin’ verse I mean the dude is indecisive He don’t know how he’d like his eggs And he’s got no opinion on tits ass or legs He can’t decide which horse to play at the track And when they ask him what suit you wanna wear today He say Ahumgimme the black He calls his uncle a murderer Calls his momma a whore And he can’t get it up for Ophelia no Oh and Ophelia She’s tryin’ her bestTo make him feel better Wants to polish his crown jewels But he won’t let her Stead of sayin’ yea the fool says nay And the whole court’s figurin’ he must be gayWell then in come Hamlet’s oldest friends Rosenstern and Guildencrantz They say Hey there Ham you gloomy Gus Get up – get down – and party with us We brought you some actores Some tunes and some lyricsTo put on a play to boost up your spirits Hamlet says Hey – songs and skits That gives me an idea that could stir up some shit We’ll put on a play –N that could be just the thingTo catch the conscience of the king If there is a conscience in the motherfuckin’ kingSo Hamlet calls all the actors he say ’Fore this drama starts I’m gonna tell you suckers how to play your parts You gotta speak the speech like I pronounced it –Don’t rush it don’t milk it don’t drag it don’t bounce it I mean do it trippingly on the tongue Or else I’ll see your thespian asses strung up and hung And don’t saw the air with your hands flappin’ wild N’ don’t go mouthin’ my words in some method styleThen the lead actor says Hey – are we aliveOr just some talking meat that’s gotta listen to this jiveI have read this thing you call a scriptAnd it ain’t too bad it’s got a few little dips But with some new dialogue and a few minor edits –Hey do you mind sharing writer credits But this part about the king poisoning his brother I play this wile the real king’s watchin’ Sittin’ with your mother You must be out of your cotton pickin’ mind He’ll cut out my tongue he’ll gouge out my eyes He’ll boil me in oil and send me to hell Hamlet says How about double scale – The actor says WellI want my name above the title three percent of the gross I want that tall brunette as my dialogue coach I want approval of director and a juicy per diem And if there’s changes in the script I got to see ‘em I want a dresser and undresser and a hairdresser too And I gotta gotta gotta have the biggest dressing room I want an escape clause that lets me out in a month And the first thing I insist is that you fire that cunt I want transportation to and from every show I want complimentary tickets for everybody I know I want my brother and my cousin hired to play in the band And don’t go tryin’ to sneak in any extra matinees And next time you wanna speak to me Check with the director first Now.